Nano. RolePlay

Il était une fois, dans de lointaines contrées machin machin gnagna (j'ai dit ça à mon prof de dessin cette année, it was so awkward), bon, z'avez comprit le principe. Ça faisait un bon bout de temps qu'Aysen marchait à travers la forêt (enfin, il flottait d'un pied et marchait de l'autre) et ça faisait un bon bout de temps qu'il n'avait croisé âme qui vive, et encore moins une belle femme pour passer la nuit à ses côtés. "Bah qu'est-ce qu'il foutait là, le con ?" Oui, exactement, oui. Bonne question. Tu fais quoi, là, le con ? No but seriously. A magic wound ? You gotta be kiddin' me. Ain't got no time for this. Oui donc, il était blessé. Et ATTENTION. Pas n'importe quel type de blessure. Mesdames, messieurs, voilà ce qui arrive quand on ne fait pas attention et qu'on se mesure à plus fort que nous. Et tout le monde sait que la forêt c'est l'endroit le plus sécuritaire pour se cacher. Mais tout le monde sait aussi que dans la forêt, outre les loups de 10 mètres de haut, des fées, et des bandits, il n'y avait pas grand chose d'autre. Et là, mine de rien, après le cinquième croissant lunaire à marcher dans les bois et une quand même grave blessure (stop with the drama, I survived worse than this) au bassin qui t'empêche de bien marcher, eh bah tu commences un peu à te demander si tu vas finir par la traverser, la stupide forêt (I'm doin' fine, thanks).

Oh tiens, ça pue la fleur.

Oh tiens, des fleurs tout partout.

Oh tiens, une maison.

A quest. A quest. Alright, so he had absolutely NOTHING against quests. Even, he LOVED quests. That was his life after all. But then normally he would have made kind of a contract, or would have received a reward at the end of it. And he would have been by himself. Not with a crazy shemale, pulling him by the tail HE put there, with no reward since he kinda forced him, and certainly not for a stupid Amablablabla Vulgaire flower thingy, for which he couldn't care less.

Oh and yes, he thought all of that out loud.

Don't worry, don't worry. Navi nagged. Though you ARE responsible for the death of my flower, I shall reward you if you bring it back. Now stop whining, kitty. Be a big boy. Yes, Aysen, be a big boy. Stop behaving like a child. He locked the door behind him, and opened a big bag, in which he started throwing stuff without even looking at what he was holding and where he was throwing it, as they all magically landed inside the bag.

C'était lui où il se faisait kidnapper ? Oui, oui, il venait bien de se faire kidnapper, vu le bruit de verrou qui se barre derrière lui une fois rentré. Aysen. Kidnapper. Esclave. Chat. Tout ça dans la même phrase lui donnait la nausée. Ain't a kitty. And what iz dat "rewarrrd" ? Cauz' you don't seem to be the type of.. wait, do I say guy orrr whut ? ...person who needz help. Ya don't need my help. Just turn me back and I leav' and it will be a pleazure not to see ya ever ag'n.

How silly. You cannot go on a quest by yourself. He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Even Navi had read books about quests and magical objects and maidens in distress. Even he knew that you always needed a helper. And Aysen was both convenient and guilty. He had no choice, really. Now do you want to sleep in my bed or on the carpet ?

Yur bed. But without him, of course. Otherwise he would gladly take the carpet. Hell, even the floor. And yeah, you can go on a quest by yourself. He was the living proof. From where exactly did that idiot come from ? He couldn't learn about life from books ! Everybody knows that. The real world is completely different. Well, maybe THAT was his chance to get rid of him... Yeah you hope, dumby. You need him, remember ? Unfortunately.

All right ! Navi disappeared behind the door of his room and didn't come back. If you would've made a few steps into his lovely home to take a peek, you would've seen him drag a large comfy armchair beside the bed, in which he was now sitting with a blanket over his lap, like a grandma who was readying herself to read her child a story. Except that the bed was empty, cause the kid who was supposed to lie in the sheets was still standing in the living area.

Hum... Okay.

No, actually it was NOT okay. Nothing happening right now was, and the not-okay things just kept coming one after another. Someone must have had cursed him or something. It was completely impossible his life just turned out like this for no reason. He took a few steps in, and it occured to him he would sleep in the same room as that freak, and the idea of him watching him sleep was just plain creepy. I'll tak' the carrrpet.

All right ! Bis. Navi pointed the carpet. The one in his room of course. The only carpet. Bedrooms are for sleeping after all. It would never even occur to him that this might make his guest (and hostage) feel uncomfortable. The living area was far too dangerous. With all the potions and magic going on randomly, the chances of waking up dead (or WORSE: hairless !) were way too high.

Oh that was a fawkin' joke. I dun't want him to watch me sleep. Creepy. Creepy shemale. Dude. Whatever it is. I'm his fawkin' hostage. Doezn't it sound completely creepy and not good ? Yeh yeh, it definitely doz. Hun-hun. Forget 'bout sleepin'. Et voilà ce qu'il marmonna en tournant sur ses talons.

Where do you think you're going ? He had a perfectly gentle smile on his face, but the black clouds up and around him - with thunder and lightning and whatever you can imagine that's even a bit threatening to an aura - said otherwise. Also, he had his fingers tightly clutched around kitty's tail, making escape completely impossible. You need to be well-rested for the beginning of our journey tomorrow.

Yes. Good. He was obedient after all. Under the sheets now. Navi told him. Sitting down was no way to sleep. Even for a cat. It will be your last night of many to sleep in a comfortable bed, so you better make the best of it. The magic man warned him. And he was absolutely right. Sleeping on the solid ground of forests and moutains and river banks was a lot less back-friendly.

Not obedient, no. Logical. He wanted to get rid of those ears and tail ? He had to. Not that it was a pleasure to, but hey. At least he was getting to sleep in a comfy bed (without thinking that the other freak slept in here more than once and that it was stinking flowers). He rolled his eyes, got under the sheets and sighs when the creep said he better make the best of it. Come on. He wasn't a princess for dragon's sake ! He knew pretty well what "adventure" was implying. Seriously.

It was silent.

But not for long ! After ten long peaceful minutes, Navi excitedly opened his mouth. Do you wish me to sing you a lullaby ? His lullabies, of course, were magical. It made one so sleepy that only the caster of the spell could wake up the subject. But boy, the energy you'd awaken with was just so amazing, that putting your sleep in the hands of a stranger was hardly a problem.

Or was it ?

/no. Couldn't he shut up ? Disappear of his life, at least for a little while ? Cause that would have been GREAT.

You know what they say. Silence is consent. I take it from your silence you won't refute that ? The wizard whispered. But before Aysen could even say A (B C, it's easy as 1 2 3), Navi started singing. Wrong : chanting. He started chanting. A mesmerizing sleeping spell that would put the elf in a deep slumber until Navi himself decided it was time to wake him up.

No whut st---.... And the furious kitty fell right asleep as expected, his eyebrows still frowned in a serious and annoyed expression, his ears sluggishly falling back along with his tail still on the Freep (creep +freak). Well, I'll give him something. At least he was not conscious anymore, thus he wasn't aware of his presence anymore, which was the best thing that had ever happened today.

The night was long. Well. For Navi it was anyway. He had spent the numerous hours that Aysen slept making all sorts of preparations for their long journey. Packed bags, made potions, filled sacks with ingredients he might need, wash his clothes, comb his hair, pluck his eyebro--- oh wait. Nevermind that. Needless to say that everything was ready for departure at sunrise. There was only one thing left to do: waking up Aysen.

And we all know how you wake up a princess from her magical slumber, don't we ?

Navi seemed resentful. I'm waking you up °-° Of course he was. What else was he doing ? What an airhead. Asking questions that answer themselves. So silly. Now hurry up ! I've prepared your bag. We'll eat along the way. Then he added: If you're hungry, that is. Nothing strange going on. Just regular business.

... Non mais même plus de commentaires hein, on a tous comprit dans quel état il état et quelque chose nous dit tous que ça va pas aller en s'améliorant. Alors entre les jurons, les curses et autres vulgarités concernant le monsieur aux cheveux mauves qui faisait de sa vie un enfer, il n'y avait pas grand place pour autre chose. Il se leva donc en maugréant, éternuant et en grattant ses oreilles comme un chaton, ayant une incompréhensible et horrible envie de boire du lait.

He threw the largest bag in Aysen's face and unbolted the door. Can you ride on horseback ? Yes, Navi had a horse. One. It was a huge white stallion, with a really really really crappy personality. The only way you could possibly get along with that horse, was if you spoke its language. Naturally, Navi spoke horse. (He spoke most animal languages actually.) But by introducing Aysen - catman - to the wild beast, Navi made the biggest mistake of his life. (So far.)

Et vazy qu'on feule toutes griffes dehors et oreilles plaquées contre l'arrière de sa tête, la queue fouettant l'air derrière à la vue du cheval qui hennit sauvagement en ayant l'air de s'apprêter à charger. C'était comme un automatisme de réagir comme ça ; his body was just moving on its own and in the blink of an eye it was perching on a branch from the closest tree there was, growling like a scared kitten. 

Now, now. Get down from there, Kitty. Navi said, while swinging over his horse. He wore pants today, which was better for horseback riding, but his long cape was still fluttering behind him. We ought to leave now. He patted the spot behind him, not paying any attention to the horse that managed to glare at Aysen. 

We won't mention the fact that calling him "kitty" wasn't helping anything, huh. He wasn't a fawkin kitty. He was AT LEAST a ferocious beast. No, really. Would you look at him. What a fierce tiger. Growling and all. Even showing his teeth. Well, okay, not a tiger. But not a kitty. A cat, perhaps ?At least ? Alright, a kitteh. BUT THAT DUDETTE HAD NO RIGHT TO CALL HIM THAT. I'm nut rrrawdin' dis !